The thought of being tied up, helpless, vulnerable and not in control of a situation, can be a bit unsettling for anyone. Mention BDSM and media images projecting graphic images depicting an unwilling victim enduring pain and humiliation for the amusement of others while bound to furniture or some gravity defying device, gagged, blinded and unsure of their fate pops up.

It’s no wonder that the curious might be a bit leery and hesitant to discuss the topic because it suggests that there might be some underlying psychological issues looming. The reality is; most people that engage in BDSM are not into the hardcore version but rather sensual dominance or soft bondage, a more seductive restraint practice that is more about seduction, trust, and sensory and physical sensation. It’s meant to be soft, sensual, selfless and playful. It is also a great way to spice up a lacklustre sex life.

The idea of being tied-up might provoke panic, especially with the stigma attached to it so it’s best to introduce your desires to your partner when both of you are sober, clear-headed and not during a sexual session. The safety of both people is very important and trust is just as paramount as pleasure.

If you are the one introducing the subject, explain why you want to experiment with bondage. Why does it appeal to you? What do you want out of it? Is it because you want to shake some salt on your life? Are you looking to release control or gain power in the bedroom?

If you are being approached with the idea, ask a lot of questions and voice any concerns. How far do you and your partner want to go? Is this a one sided deal or will you take turns being dominant and submissive? Do you want to be able to get away easily? How about a safe word? The more open you and your partner are, the more satisfied you will be with the end result. BDSM is not for everyone and if it’s not something you’re even remotely interested in, don’t be afraid to express your feelings.

If you’re hesitant but curious, you might want to ease into it by conducting research together, play sex-themed games, or visit an adult themed store to see what sort of soft bondage restraints and sex toys are available for your purposes. There are some fantastic beginner kits featuring soft restraints. Some kits highlight silk scarves for blind folding and restraining hands and feet or kits with plush faux fur covered wrist and ankle cuffs and a blindfold. If you’re feeling extremely adventurous, there are all-in-one kits that sit under or on top of a mattress to bind both the wrists and legs while offering easy release for the bound. Blindfolding might seem scary but depriving someone of one sense only intensifies the others, plus it’s a slow and effective build-up to foreplay that works sexual wonders mentally and physically. Variety is the spice of life.

Tie and tease refers to a type of sexual activity which involves tying up a partner and bringing him or her to a state of sexual arousal while controlling when, if at all, to allow them to orgasm. If the tied partner is eventually allowed to orgasm it is usually referred to as a controlled orgasm and if orgasm is denied it is known as sexual denial or tease and denial. Often, the bound person will be gagged, this increases their sense of helplessness.

Many people are curious about bondage but really have no clue as to what it entails. A basic definition of bondage is that it restricts someone’s movement. Many people have tried a bit of “tie and tease” and found that it spices up their love life in a very exciting way.

The most important aspect of bondage games is trusting your partner, because the other partner is restricted therefore becoming quite vulnerable. These kinds of games should never be played if you do not completely trust your partner. The active partner should also think about the pleasure of the restrained partner and never use the session purely to fulfil their own fantasies.

People are attracted to this type of play for many different reasons. Being tied up allows a person to relax and enjoy being given pleasure without having to worry about giving pleasure back to their partner at the same time. The person performing the bondage gets increased feelings of personal power, however this power must never be abused.

There are many items that can be incorporated into a tie and tease session such as ropes, whips, chains, blindfolds, gags, and feathers. There are hundreds of other items that may be used depending on the type of tie and tease session you wish to re-enact. It all depends on what level of comfort that you and your partner have with each other and how much you completely trust one another. Such sessions can last for a few minutes or a few hours. They can be done with two partners or several partners in an orgy type atmosphere.

There should always be a safe word agreed upon before you begin your tie and tease session. This is something that the passive partner can say when they want the other person to stop what they are doing, a word that is commonly used is ‘enough’. The active partner must stop what they are doing immediately, and release the passive partner immediately.

Never try bondage in a desolate place, just in case there is an accident that leaves the active partner injured and the passive partner tied up with no way of getting help. If you’ve never tried bondage before, don’t go straight into anything that uses complicated equipment. This is for experts only and has extra safety issues that you may not understand. Drink and drugs can cause you to seriously underestimate safety risks. Safe sex rules apply. Always use a condom for penetrative sex.